A lioness hunting sick zebras

My methodology for editing and eliminating items from my home might be harsher and more primal than most. But I dare say it’s probably more satisfying. I call it Hunting Sick Zebras.

The owl’s cry was low and distant, thinly cutting through the night’s chill like a signal. The lioness’ olive eyes opened. With the owl’s hunt ending, it was her turn to begin. A heavy, ripe moon lingered near the horizon, met by a soft wash of gray and pink seeping into the eastern sky. In the predawn cover of darkness, she began to move. Lithe and stealth. Calculating and dangerous. She stole away from the rest of her pride as they purred, and padded silently across open swaths to the places where her prey gathered. She was a soft shadow when she surveyed them, her keen eyes sweeping across their numbers. There, almost hidden amongst the others, her target became clear — weaker than the rest. In a burst of speed, she was upon it, bringing it down easily with neither mercy nor malice. Its time was simply up. From the second she pounced, that nacho platter never stood a chance.

My methodology for editing and eliminating items from my home, such as subpar nacho platters, might be harsher and more primal than most. But I dare say it’s probably more satisfying. I call it Hunting Sick Zebras.

Zebras cluster in herds, using their stripes to obfuscate their numbers and bewilder predators. Our own sick zebras often hide in plain sight. We become blind to them from living with them for so long. Culling the herd like a lioness Hunting Sick Zebras makes what remains better. Here’s how it makes a difference.

Extras and redundancies. Hunting Sick Zebras is the ultimate process of elimination. Go on the prowl in your closets, cupboards and drawers for unnecessary multiples. Then identify the absolute weakest in the bunch. How many camis do you really need? How many cutting boards serve you? Which ones never get used because you have obvious favorites? The nicer items will always beat out the sick zebras. Think survival of the fittest.

Replacements and upgrades. Hunting Sick Zebras is not just about fewer things, but nicer things. When you kill one, make a note to replace it with a nicer version you really want. Those shoes that rub a blister? That dangerously dull chef’s knife with the wobbly handle? Pounce and upgrade whenever you can. Lionesses are known for their extreme patience while hunting and it doesn’t all have to happen at once. Small continuous improvements add up over time.

Blind spots. Hunting Sick Zebras identifies things you’re settling for just because you’re accustomed to their presence. To really chase out the sick zebras, it can help to hunt in pairs. Enlist the fresh eyes of someone you trust. This is how I woke up to the huge sick zebra right under my nose. There it was, limping along in my dining room: the hand-me-down china hutch I had dutifully stripped and painted two separate times in an effort to make it work. It took my daughter’s sharp eyes to open mine. We pounced and it was gone the next day. I didn’t even replace it, opting for a beautiful mirror that gives more space and light to the room.

Instant progress and gratification. The real beauty of Hunting Sick Zebras? It doesn’t require a long weekend or even a long afternoon to make your home a little better. Just a keen eye. After the thrill of the hunt, what remains is stronger. And the lioness is full and satisfied. For a while.